The flowers in silence seem to breathe
Such thoughts as language cannot tell.

P @A dollar these days will go further than you think. In fact, you can carry a dollar around for days without finding anything you can buy with it. (We all know the state of the economy...)@ The expression ga dollar will go further than you thinkh normally means that you can buy more than you would expect with a dolor. However, the second sentence changes the meaning. It means that you can carry a dollar with you for a long time and not find anything you can buy with it, because it isn't enough to buy most things - most things cost than a dollar. This is a switch from the idea that a dollar is useful and can buy a lot to the idea of the dollar being almost worthless and not enough to buy very much.
@Q @A friend once told me that speeches should be like women's skirts -long enough to cover the subject and short enough to be interesting. (I'll try to cover the subject and stimulate your interest.) The idea that women's skirts being long enough to cover the subject means that they are long enough to cover her body without exposing her improperly. The idea of their being short enough to be interesting means that they aren't too short, but are short enough so that enough of the women's body is exposed to interest men who like to look at women's legs. Here, this idea is compared to a speech, which should be long enough to cover the subject, but still short enough to interest the listeners without being boring or tiring.
R After thousands of years, we have advanced to the point where we bolt our doors and windows, turn on our burglar alarms and live in terror - while the jungle natives sleep in open-door huts. (With recent crime wave, we need to...) This is ironical or satirical. It's a comment on modern society having so much crime that people living in modern, up-to-date cities have to lock their doors and use burglar alarms and are afraid of being robbed or attacked, while natives in the jungle live in huts with open doors and aren't afraid of being robbed or hurt. This is a commentary on modern, advanced society.
S An electronic computer is like a wife - it helps you solve problems you wouldn't have@if you didn't have one in the first place. (Modern computers are wonderful and can do wonderful things. We need to consider installing more computers in...) This is a strange truism. If we have a computer, it will create many complex problems, but it will also help us solve them. If we didn't have the computer in the first place, we wouldn't have the problems. Likewise, having a wife creates many problems for a man, but his wife will help him solve those problems. But, if he didn't have a wife in the first place, he wouldn't have the problems. This is a humorous comparison.
T@ A stock market investor is someone who is alert, informed, attuned to the economic heartbeat of the country - and who cries a lot. (We need to consider carefully the idea of investing our money...) This is a humorous comment based on reality. A stock market investor has to be alert for investment opportunities and has to be informed and must understand the "economic heartbeat of the country" (how things are going - the nature and health of the economy). The expression "and who cries a lot" refers to the fact that the stock market often isn't predictable and an investor can lose a lot of money because of unpredicted changes.
U@ A teacher of mine once said that a good beginning and a good ending make a good speech, if they come close together. (And, so, I'll try to make my speech short.) This is humorous. Having a good beginning and a good ending are important for a good speech. The idea of their being close together means that the speech should be short. (Short speeches are usually best - long speeches are tiring and tend to become dull.)
V At a dinner party, one should eat wisely but not too well; and talk well, but not too wisely. (I hope that, in my speech, I speak well...) This means that at a dinner party you should carefully choose food that is good for you - good for your health - but not eat too much (too well). And when you talk, you should talk well (speak clearly and understandably and in an interesting way) but not too wisely - not trying to seem too important or superior or like a "know-it-all."
W A young man who had just received his degree from college, rushed out and exclaimed, gHere I am, world - I have my gA.B.h The world replied, gSit down, son, and I'll teach you the rest of the alphabet!h
(As you graduate today, it's only a beginning...)
An gA.B.h is a gBachelor of Artsh degree. The idea of the young man saying gHere I am, world - I have my A.B.h indicates that the young man is proud of his degree and thinks that now he knows what to do - that he is an expert of sorts. The would answering gSit down, son, and I'll teach you the rest of the alphabet h is humorous and catchy. gAh and gBh are the first two letters of the alphabet. The young man seems to think that he now knows everything he needs to know to succeed. But the world says, gSit down...I'll teach you the rest of the alphabethindicating that the young man has just learned a little of what he needs to know and has a lot more to learn to really be successful. This means that when we get a degree we have just learned the basics and that we have to learn a lot more before we can really be effective. This is suitable as an opening comment at a university graduation ceremony.
X Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children; not I have six children and no theories. (Raising children is a very important and difficult task.) This is humorous and interesting because many gso-calledh experts have theories on how to raise children - and many of these people are single and don't have any experience raising children. This person says that before he was married he had six theories about bringing up children, but now that he's married and has six children, he doesn't have any theories any more. Apparently, having children and facing the real problems of bringing children up has shown him that all the theories in the world are useless and that raising children is a case of individual (case-by-case) management - that what applies to one child may or may not apply to another. Each child has to be treated differently.
10 Being a career woman is harder than being a career man. You have to look like a lady, act like a man, and work like a dog. This is a humorous comment with some basis in truth. A career man doesn't have to do anything unusual (out-of-the-ordinary for a man) but a career woman has to be "lady-like" to be respected, act like a man (to be accepted as an equal) and work like a dog (work very hard - much harder than a man does) to be accepted and become successful.
11 Every man who is high up loves to think that he has done it all himself; the wife smiles, and lets it go at that. iI'm sure that our guest will admit that a lot of his success is due to his wife's support.) This is a comment about human nature. Every successful man tends to believe that he's successful simply because of his own efforts, but usually, his wife has helped him and supported him and has contributed a lot toward his becoming successful - without her help, he probably wouldn't have been so successful. But wives don't claim any credit - they sit quietly and let the husband claim all the credit for his success. It has been said that behind every successful man there has been a very successful woman.
12 Fun is like insurance: the older you get, the more it costs. (I'm sure you have noticed that things are more expensive than they used to be...) This is a humorous comment. As a person gets older, his or her life insurance premiums (payments) get higher. An older person taking out a life insurance policy has to pay more than a younger person (who would pay over many more years.) Just as life insurance costs more when you're older, having fun also costs more. Younger people can have fun without spending much money, but an older person has to spend more to get the same amount of enjoyment out of life.
13 Getting ideas should be like sitting down on a tack - it should make you get up and do something about it. (We've had many people with good ideas, but no one seems to come forward and want to do anything about them...) This is a vivid comparison. If you sit down on a tack, you will probably get up and remove the tack (and perhaps rub the spot where the tack penetrated). Likewise, the speaker says, if we get an idea, we need to get up and do something about it - not just sit there idly and not do anything about carrying out our idea.
14 If a man runs after money, he's money mad; if he keeps it, he's a miser. If he spends it, he's a playboy; if he doesn't get it, he's a ne'er-do-well. If he doesn't try to get it, he lacks ambition. If he gets it without working for it, he's a parasite. And if he accumulates it after a lifetime of hard work, people will call him a fool who never got anything out of life. (We all want money, but you need to consider how best to put your money to work for you...)

This is just a catchy (humorous) comment that means, no matter how you have gotten your money (or if you haven't gotten any money) you may be criticized. The idea of "how you got your money" (or even your not getting any money) isn't important.
15 If Moses had been a committee, the Israelites would still be in Egypt. (This committee needs to become more active and do more for...) Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt and gave them their first laws. He did this very efficiently and promptly. The statement given here indicates that if Moses had been a committee, the Israelites would still be in Egypt - indicating that a committee is usually inefficient and wastes a lot of time and doesn't get very much done. Committees are known for taking a long time to decide or act on proposals or plans.
16 I have been brought here as a special consultant. They say that a consultant is a well-paid expert brought in at the last minute to share the blame. (Seriously, we need to do several things to...) This is humorous and is a commentary on human nature. A consultant is an expert who is brought in to try to solve problems and improve things. Saying that a consultant is an expert who is brought in at the last minute to share the blame is a joke - not said seriously. Of course, when things don't work out (or if the consultant isn't efficient or doesn't do well) things may turn out badly and the consultant may be partly to blame.
17 I have been told that it takes at least three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. (Since I don't have three weeks, I hope you'll overlook my mistakes and try to put up with what I have to say.) The statement that git takes at least three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speechh@is nonsense.@An@gimpromptu speechh is a speech given without any preparation - a speech given goff-the-cuffh (with perhaps only a few sketchy notes.)
18 I have been asked how I became a comedian. A guy becomes a comedian the way a girl becomes a prostitute.First, he does it for fun, then for a few friends, and finally he figures he might as well get paid for it. (But seriously, being a comedian isn't as easy as you might think.) This is humorous comparison between a man becoming a comedian and a girl becoming a prostitute. They both first do what they do just for fun (for enjoyment). Then they do it for a few close friends. Finally, they decide that they might as well get paid for doing what they do. This is humorous, but is very close to reality, which makes it more appropriate to illustrate the similarity of the two activities.
19 I'm not going to bore you with a lot of old jokes, so I'll introduce a man who can do that better than I can. (I'd like to introduce...) This is an ironical comment. The speaker says that he isn't going to bore the audience with a lot of old jokes, but the man he is introducing will bore them with a lot of old jokes. This is humorous and the person doesn't really mean that the person introduced will tell a lot of old jokes - this comment is made just to amuse the audience. The audience will expect the person who is introduce to entertain them and not just bore them with old jokes.
20 In many ways the man I'm about to introduce has been like a son to me: insolent, ungrateful and disrespectful. (Seriously, I'd like to introduce...) This is a quick switch and is humorous. The first part sounds very serious and sincere. Saying that the man ghas been like a son to meh indicates that he must be very dear and very close to the speaker - someone the speaker respects and cares a lot about. The second part is a switch. It implies that the man being introduced (like many sons) has been insolent, ungrateful and disrespectful to the speaker. This is irony, because some sons do behave in such a way toward their fathers.
21 I once had a teacher who told me that you'll never be able to lead the band if you can't face the music. (And, so it is with the job of... I'm willing to do whatever is necessary to get the job done well...) To gface the musich means to confront whatever difficulties, problems, troubles or challenges that are presented, including criticism. The idea of glead the bandh refers to a musical group (orchestra or group of musicians playing together), but implies leading any roup of people\being a leader. Not being able to glead the band if you can't face the musich generally means not being able to lead others (be a leader) if you can't confront the problems and challenges of what is to be done.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@TO BE CONTINUED